So I was planning on writing something different to accompany today’s post but as I was going through the reader survey replies I was struck by something.
Many of you guys included commentary around how you appreciated that I was “real,” “honest,” “genuine,” and “relatable.”
It gave my heart such happiness! So first and foremost, thank you. Secondly, it got me to thinking about how scared I have been for the majority of my blogging career of what other people think about me. I’ve had many years of constant fear of how I’m judged for what I wear/post/write/say.
In thinking on it, what I’ve resolved is that I think last year when I decided to change my career, I became so much happier and as a result other things started falling into place. I think (and hope!) this happiness has been radiating through my posts and social channels. I think when I cut out a lot of negativity in my life I just stopped being so worried about how I was being perceived.
You see I’ve had my fair share of being ridiculed for doing what I do with this blog. A guy I knew from college once said to me a few years after we graduated, “Dono, who are you even writing for? Don’t you feel stupid putting all these posts up?” I cried.
…I’ve had so-called friends of mine send screenshots of my Instagrams to other people making fun of them thinking I wouldn’t find out.
…I’ve been talked shit about by people I know and by people I’ve never even met.
…I’ve compared myself to other bloggers who seemingly have more success and let it make me feel so lackluster and unworthy.
…I’ve overthought Instagram captions and photos of myself and every word I write a lot in the past.
…I’ve overanalyzed what I’m saying in conversations because I was so worried what people might think about the real me.
The self-consciousness was crippling at times. Particularly as I battled things like weight gain, health issues, anxiety and just being unhappy in my past job.
But in the past few months, before hitting “publish,” instead of asking myself what people might judge in this post or that post, I have been asking myself “Is this something I’d want to see? Is this something I’d want to read about? Am I giving value to my readers with this post? Does this sound like me? Does this serve a purpose?” I’ve been trying to be more open, honest and, truthfully, I’ve been trying to have my personality and thoughts and values come through more clearly.
It can be a tricky process. I want certain aspects of my life to remain private and I want time spent with friends and family to be (largely) spent off of social media. I want to be present in all the opportunities I’m granted and I want to be cognizant of the fact that things live forever online.
But that being said, I’m realizing I can still talk about my point of view. (This was a real eye opening moment for recognizing that.) And even better it seems like what I’ve been doing recently by talking more openly and honestly is resonating with you guys and I am beyond happy to hear that.
Life is too short to constantly be worried about what others think. It’s exhausting! My life is nowhere near picture perfect and I hope to show you more of that in the coming months here on this blog, on Snapchat and elsewhere. I’m still a work in progress (always) but now I think am more aware that I’ve come a long way in letting myself be affected by what others may think.
And for those of you who have recognized this and said such lovely and heartwarming things in my reader survey…thank you. Seeing those comments opened my eyes and sort of turned on this light in my brain that made me realize I had been doing things differently. Not purposefully but just because I’ve been living a life with more meaning and more fulfillment of late. The comments made me have this moment where I had to sort of sit down and be so grateful for the changes in my life I made last year that have led me to being so much happier. <3.
May we always remember it’s a lot less effort to be kind to others vs. judging one another. To lift one another up vs. tear each other down.
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